Soldiering On
by Starjargon
Summary: How does he keep going when he has lost everyone he loves?


**A/N- I wanted to know how Ten could go from so sad about losing the companions to downright giddy at Christmas. But I wanted to indicate the paths he had begun going down by the specials and that we eventually did see him reach as Eleven. Hopefully I have. **

**Please review- I've never done a Ten story before.**

He didn't know if he could soldier on this time. He knew that he would. He always did. But he just didn't know if he _could._ Leaving the only other man in the universe who could truly understand him on a beach in another universe with a girl he had grown to- And then to lose his very best friend when she too finally acquired the ability to keep up with him- it was too much.

He had to do it. Of course. Knew it from the moment he realized the meta-crisis had affected her as well. He couldn't bring himself to regret saving her. But, he had been so _close. _Close to being…for once… maybe… actually… happy. They'd all been there. All at once, like a dream he didn't deserve.

Even his TARDIS had enjoyed the atmosphere of his children of time all together for once. She sailed smoothly through the stars as though finally at peace. But the universe he roamed was unfair. And he couldn't keep them, not even immortal Jack. Because he would break them too, and he couldn't handle that. But after leaving his most faithful companion on earth, to an ordinary life he could never be a part of, it was he who was broken. Each one of them had, at one point, wished to stay with him forever. And yet, everyone had still left. He was the one destined to remain Peter Pan in Neverland, always teaching the Wendys how to fly before they flew away from him.

He suddenly found himself incredibly exhausted. Not just by the day but by the world, every world, every time, every life. He couldn't function. He didn't want to. He wanted, more than anything, to hole up in his TARDIS and forget everything- live above the worlds in isolation and solitude. Because that's all he had the strength for. He couldn't see the point of going forward anymore. What else did the universe have to offer but even more heartache?

It was with these thoughts that he grudgingly stepped out of the TARDIS onto a faraway planet in a time well outside his most recent friends'. He hadn't really been paying attention to where the Old Girl had taken him, only that he was having the hardest time keeping still, and that the planet was very, very remote. He looked around vaguely, and noticed a single, small, intergalactic café just down the street. Good a place as any to brood.

He had been nursing the same exotic specialty for hours, seriously contemplating parking the TARDIS somewhere permanently, like under the deepest sea or in the highest clouds- only accessible to him, when a young man sat down beside him. He didn't bother to look up, a few patrons had come and gone since he'd sat down.

"You ok, mate?"

It took him awhile before he processed that the man had been addressing him.

"What- oh. Fine." He cleared his throat and returned to his beverage.

"No you're not."

Oh, no. Just what he needed. A stranger who believed he could solve everyone else's problems just because he was there.

"What makes you say that?" He stared straight ahead, determined to engage with the man as little as possible.

"Well, other than the drink, which would still be spouting if it were fresh, the expression- it's one I'm excruciatingly familiar with."

He did look at the other man now. Very young. Something inexplicable in his eyes. Deceivingly old. Almost- But the young man looked away quickly, as though he didn't want the Doctor scrutinizing too closely.

"And what expression is that?"

"Defeat."

"Sounds about right." His mood, combined with an irresistible urge to trust in this stranger made him too weary to lie.

"Don't do it."

"Hmm- Sorry, don't do what?"

"Give up. This is just a day. A moment in a great big pile of moments. Don't let the bad ones sully the good. There's still so much to see and to experience and to really live for. And people who will need you."

He half- chuckled at that. "Doesn't seem like it right now."

"No. But it will. I promise you that. And when you realize that again, it will be fantastic."

"You sound very sure of yourself."

"You're not the first person to tell me that."

"Won't be the last I wager."

"No," he laughed, "not by a long shot."

"So if your life is so_ fantastic_, what are you doing on an isolated planet in a lonely café away from everyone and everything?"

"Just came to cheer up an old friend."

He turned to him at that. "Have we met?"

"Oh years ago in the future."

"Who are you?"

"Someone who can say with absolute conviction that you are most dangerous when you're alone and depressed, Doctor. You have to push through this moment- these feelings. Or you will go too far. And not all of time can be rewritten."

"WHO ARE YOU?!"

"Try Christmas. You always like a good Christmas. Think of the people who will be in your life. Your friends you have yet to make. Let them be the best part of you. And accept that they too will one day leave."

Just as he was about to scream at this man who knew far too much, he heard an achingly familiar woman's voice.

"Sweetie, are you coming?" She stood in the doorway, alive and happy, as though her smile was integral to her being. No, not her… He was about to respond to the Professor when she continued.

"You promised we'd go see the Abervarion Circus before they let all the marquads loose," she giggled and ran toward… the man next to him- her smile full and radiant and her curls bouncing along with each step.

"Coming, Dear. Just need to make sure things are settled here." Then she leaned over and whispered in his ear and he laughed, full and joyous, while the Doctor's mouth fell open in realization. She skipped out of the café as the younger, looking, he now realized, man stood up- a smile still in his ancient eyes as he turned to go, continuing the conversation as though there'd been no interruption.

"But, I promise you, it is well worth it while they're around."

He gaped, his mind concentrating on the older self in front of him, who seemed happier than he could've ever imagined himself being again a few moments ago.

He cleared his throat. "Christmas, you say?"

"Well," He looked at his former self seriously, almost chastising, "It's a start." Then his future walked out the door, bounding after the woman from his past, and he watched as they laughed down the street, hand in hand.

Yes, he thought to himself. He could do it. What he always did, as he lost and gained and won and grieved. He'd start again. After all, this was just a moment of time. And he was the last of the Time Lords. He could do anything.


End file.
